An endless, meandering thought
Infinitely turns in the confines
Of my mind;
Images,
Multiplying in search of any explanation,
Yet answers are something I can rarely find.
A painful, overwhelming fear
Has been progressively, for years
Climbing throughout
My entire being.
Trembling,
I begin to falter.
Until the comfort
That has been sought,
Is finally brought
With a sudden realization.
I've awaited a rescuer,
But it's always been here
At a hand
Reaching out,
Of my own will and believing.
A destructive illusion
Of what i once called love
Consumes;
Tears even still
At all I am made of.
Countless times I've traveled
Into the deepest of oceans
My only intent to reach him.
Until one gray morning
As the sun rose yet again,
Its pure light happened
To reflect upon
A snapshot of the man
I once knew.
But I saw only a glimpse
Of who
He could have so easily become.
Overshadowed by a cloud,
The one I loved,
The one I knew,
Disappeared much too quickly.
Just as the shooting star
I had once wished upon, too.
I had no choice,
I had to flee
So I left that fish
The one I thought I knew.
All on his own
For his only desire
Was to swim oh so free,
In the makings of his very own
Lonely dark,
The deepest of his sea.
Alone,
I was then.
Alone,
I am now.
To begin
The journey back,
Once again
Right back to the start.
I don't know if I can
I think I've forgotten how.
A destructive, shattering hate
Seems to devastate
All ability to forgive.
The past stealing future,
In order to become fate.
The daily fight,
Always such a conflict,
Not letting me see
How to live life in the manner
Mine was destined to be.
So continues it's attempt
To claim all victory,
Yet still, I refuse
To allow the defeat
Of any part of me.
A warm, soothing happiness
Radiant with a dream,
And the reflection of a person
Of who I wish to be.
I embrace such contentment
Absolving all negativity.
That place of isolation
I won't ever miss.
It took so much,
For I paid the price
Of one's need for discovery.
Without seeing what's always been
In clear view,
Without a cost;
The only thing for free.
A powerful truth,
An inner strength,
Found only within me.
~Sheena Leigh Sherrange
